Today’s WTF Name List:

Names from Musicals

When I first clicked on this list, it just said, “Musicals,” so I expected to be jumping into a crazy list suggesting that you name your child “Cats,” or “Hello, Dolly,” or “West Side Story.” I was initially disappointed to realize it was just a list of names from characters in musicals… until I started scrolling, and realized that there are some completely insane names in musicals, that no person in reality should ever be given… like, Curly, from Oklahoma. Imagine, if you will, an adult male walking up to you and introducing himself as Curly. Are you going to take him seriously? Because I know I’m just going to assume he’s a clown who legally changed his name to his clown stage name, and probably walk away slowly.

There are a bunch of other gems on there, even if you don’t include the heavily ethnic names (and before people randomly jump on me, for the millionth time, there’s nothing wrong with them, but if you’re some random Christian woman living in… let’s pick somewhere random, like North Dakota… I’m sorry, but I find it a little strange that you would name your son Tevye, for example, just because you liked the musical Fiddler on the Roof). Names like Jigger, Hickory, Kenickie (which if I’m not mistaken was a last name), and Caractacus (which I end up having to say in slow motion because it’s so phonetically awkward)… names any child would be honored to have. After all, what could be more epic than explaining to your friends that you’re named after a true hero, “that guy in Grease who’s friends with the main guy, and dates the loud girl who has tons of attitude?”

Today’s WTF Name:

Makkinneli

I probably should have warned you to have a friend on standby in case you started uncontrollably convulsing after reading that name. This was in response to a post asking for “interesting, classic, and unique names” (which to me, seems like one of those triangle things where you can only pick two… or maybe even only one).

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried reading this name, only to start shuddering after the double k, and having to shut my eyes to block out the horror. I’m not even going to hazard a guess as to how this is pronounced.

For those of you readers braver than me who came up with a mental pronunciation, and then were still mentally functional enough to wonder, “Hm, I wonder if that’s a boy or a girl,” based on the middle name given, I’m going to say girl. I’m also going to suggest you look into a psychiatric evaluation, because nobody sane should be able read that name and still think rationally enough to raise that question.

(Source: forums.ivillage.com)

adenydd asked: Correction: Aedan (Áedán) is a legitimate name -- it's an older form of the anglicized Aidan (Áedán mac Gabráin was a medieval king). Though I bet parents who give their child the name don't know this and are merely aiming for "uniqueness".

Thanks for the info! I also agree, though, that most people are probably just replacing letters to make their kid more special, and not because they actually know that Aedan is an older form of the name. That’s really interesting, though, and I appreciate that you shared that!

Today’s WTF Name List:

Modern Hero Names

I was hoping this list was a bunch of new heroes they made up, like unclaimed hero names that you can name your child so they can take over the world, like Knows-Proper-Use-of-Semicolon-Woman, or Itch-Curing-Man (who carries a lot of hydrocortisone cream). Sadly, it wasn’t that awesome. Instead, it was them picking a bunch of celebrity last names and calling them “modern day heroes.” Quite an arbitrary list, actually, and I can’t wait until you explain to little Anniston that she’s named after a true heroine, who had the courage and fortitude to play a quirky, beautiful blonde woman on a sitcom for ten whole seasons. Be sure to prepare answers to the questions “Why didn’t you just name me Jennifer?” and “Why did you spell Aniston incorrectly?”

Today’s WTF Name:

Shaneali

Want a unique name for your baby? Just smash together a few other names, and call it a name. Oh, but make sure you’re very clear that you expect it to be pronounced a completely different way than it’s spelled (in this case, SHU-NAY-LEE). For my firstborn, I’ve decided on Juliemikepaulatara, pronounced JA-LEE-MU-KEP-AY-YUL-AT-AIR-AY. I can’t actually pronounce that right now, but I’ll just practice so it will roll off my tongue by the time I have my firstborn. (Who I may have already named about ten times by now.)

(Source: babynamesworld.parentsconnect.com)

Today’s WTF name list:

Stars and Planets

I’m baffled by the choice of about 90-95% of the names on that list, as I don’t think they’re associated with stars or planets. I started trying to check it out, but stopped after a google of “Aaron star” got me lots of hits for “hot nude yoga”… So maybe if you’re an astronomer, you can verify that for me and save me potentially other awkward-to-explain-in-my-search-history Google results. In the meantime, I’m going to go with my initial impression, that most of those aren’t even star- or planet-related.

Also, I am also astonished that they overlooked some really great potential star names, like Vindemiatrix, or Torcularis Septentrionalis, or Sadalsuud, or Gorgonea Quarta, or my personal favorite, Double Double (7051). I would much rather they posted this list, and suggested I choose my child’s name off of it. After all, baby [hay bale - H + picture of an animal’s den] is going to need a sibling to take some of the pressure off of him and share his misery.

Today’s WTF name:

Aedan

I think my biggest problem with the Aedan/Aaden/Aydan (does that last one exist? Probably) spellings is that nobody has pushed the envelope far enough, if you ask me. Sure, anyone can replace the second vowel with any other vowel they want and pretend that it still makes the same long A sound. But when are people going to start getting really creative? Here are my suggestions to make it more unique:

AAAAden

AY!den

Aeioudan

Hey[-h]den

When Hey[-h]den starts getting too popular, as I’m sure it will, you can just start coming up with more advanced instructions, or better yet, start drawing pictures. In fact, I’ve just decided on my firstborn son’s name. His name will be:

I can’t wait to see how many times he accidentally gets called “A-hole.”



(Image sources: hay and den)

Today’s WTF name list:

Baby Names for Future Fashion Models

I don’t know how these people know that these are the names of future fashion models. Did they hop in their DeLorean and check out the magazines of the future, and come back to spread the joy to the rest of us? If they did, I’d rather have not known that these are names that people will actually use. Even if they did do that, what is the purpose of sharing them with the rest of us? Does choosing one of these names for my baby guarantee me that they will become a fashion model? I hope so, because I would hate to think I was scarring little Walmond and Bovary for nothing.

Today’s WTF name:

Shyanne

For those of you who have several friends named Anne, but want to make it clear that you’re only naming your daughter after the shy one.

Today’s random name list:

Deciduous Names

Have you ever wanted to give your child a name that means Deciduous? Have you wasted hours on the internet, scrolling through baby name sites, thinking, “These are all great, but what’s really missing is a name with the word ‘deciduous’ in its meaning”? Have no fear. I’ve found the perfect list for you. Don’t thank me… just honor me by letting me choose your child’s middle name. Tree. I choose Tree.